downside

[arenaria]

Voice lets her go.

Shell doesn't know how long it's been. She doesn't know where she is. She doesn't know how to get home, or if she has one.

She stands on Voice's doorstep. She blinks slowly at the brightness.

She walks in a random direction.

Downsiders aren't big on charity. It's not like it's going to kill her if she doesn't get help. It's not like she's unfamiliar with the effects of dehydration and hunger; Voice didn't always remember to take good care of the pet in the basement. Shell walks, and when she's tired she lies down on the ground and sleeps, and when she wakes up she walks, and every few days she curls up on the ground, waits to torch from thirst, and then gets up and goes on.

She doesn't count the number of times this happens. It doesn't matter.

She walks. She has nightmares. She walks.

On an unremarkable day on an unremarkable street after unremarkable stretches of years, she feels herself cross a telltale threshold of dizziness and headache: she cannot make significant forward progress towards Not Where She Is Currently Located until she torches or (less likely) someone gives her a lot of water. It's possible she'll be able to sleep through this torch. She sits. She leans on a wall. She should probably pick up the next sharp object she finds. Maybe a piece of broken glass will present itself. Then she can skip these parts.

She sits, and she closes her eyes, and she waits. If the buildings around her would ever have seemed familiar, they don't now.

Comments

[she_sells_seashells]

[I doubt that would help. You'd probably both still want to hug both of us,] Bell points out.

[arenaria]

"I should've never - ever - happened," says Shell, "it should just be you - how long has it been - what did I miss -?"

[she_sells_seashells]

"Not much," Bell soothes. "Less than a year. Not much at all."

[sicaria]

There could be physically two of her who completely shared minds. That would fulfill all the requirements.

She contemplates actually making this wish.

[she_sells_seashells]

[Save major personal remodeling for a less stressed-out time?] advises Bell gently, and she pats Sherlock's knee.

To Shell, she says, "All I know is what you told Sherlock. Do you mind if I look?"

[arenaria]

"You can look, you can both look, you can do whatever you want with me, I'm just so happy I found you again," sighs Shell, somewhat calmed down (but still clinging tight to Sherlock).

[sicaria]

She—

could always merge afterward.



There's a thought.

[she_sells_seashells]

[There's a thought,] agrees Bell.

"Let's get you home?" she offers softly.

[arenaria]

"...Home."

And she can remember home, now, the palace (it was real), the world, the - heh, that crown she found in the nightstand was originally hers, wasn't it? - and she can remember Tony, and -

"But - but there are two of us."

She realizes only after she says it how that sounds, or how she guesses it would sound, to Bell-the-live-one. "I mean you are obviously the sane one you're in charge I'm not going to do anything you don't want but -"

[she_sells_seashells]

"There could stop being two of us," Bell says. "I mean, we could - go back to being only one. But it would be complicated, and I want to think about it, and I want to think about it at home. And I know you want to see home."

[arenaria]

"Oh."

Pause.

"I - I don't think you want to be me."

[sicaria]

"I don't think you want to be you," Sherlock observes.

[arenaria]

"Sure," says Shell, "but I can't do anything about it. I can just torch, that's all. I've done it a million times and I go right on being me. Bell doesn't have to."

[she_sells_seashells]

"This is what we'd have to think about," Bell says. "How to weight the two of us in a merger so the result wouldn't not like to be herself. Home?"

[arenaria]

"Home," agrees Shell in a sigh.

(Although it may be that Sherlock has to carry her for the party to go out the door.)

[sicaria]

Sherlock carries her.

[she_sells_seashells]

Bell walks.

Out the door they go.

[Tony, you may want to meet who Sherlock urgently needed my help with.]

[ferratus]

[Uh, okay,] says Tony. [Where...?]

[she_sells_seashells]

Bell supplies their location as the door closes behind them. "Tony's coming," she murmurs to Shell.

[arenaria]

"Mmm," says Shell, "I missed him too."

(But mostly Sherlock. The entirety of her body language the way she's curled up while Sherlock holds her says mostly Sherlock.)

[ferratus]

Tony arrives.

Tony says: "What."

[arenaria]

"I died," says Shell. "The afterlife didn't let me go when Sherlock tried to get me. Now there's two. I didn't have a very nice time but I found her I found her I found her." (Sherlock's throat gets nuzzled.)

[she_sells_seashells]

"We are considering ceasing to be two," Bell adds. "But it seems complicated to figure out how to not end up mostly her, when she's the one who by her own admission shouldn't've happened and she's got a longer history than me."

[ferratus]

"Can I hug you?" he says to Shell. "I really wanna hug you."

[arenaria]

"Yeah," says Shell. If Sherlock puts her down now she won't wince, even.