downside

[arenaria]

Voice lets her go.

Shell doesn't know how long it's been. She doesn't know where she is. She doesn't know how to get home, or if she has one.

She stands on Voice's doorstep. She blinks slowly at the brightness.

She walks in a random direction.

Downsiders aren't big on charity. It's not like it's going to kill her if she doesn't get help. It's not like she's unfamiliar with the effects of dehydration and hunger; Voice didn't always remember to take good care of the pet in the basement. Shell walks, and when she's tired she lies down on the ground and sleeps, and when she wakes up she walks, and every few days she curls up on the ground, waits to torch from thirst, and then gets up and goes on.

She doesn't count the number of times this happens. It doesn't matter.

She walks. She has nightmares. She walks.

On an unremarkable day on an unremarkable street after unremarkable stretches of years, she feels herself cross a telltale threshold of dizziness and headache: she cannot make significant forward progress towards Not Where She Is Currently Located until she torches or (less likely) someone gives her a lot of water. It's possible she'll be able to sleep through this torch. She sits. She leans on a wall. She should probably pick up the next sharp object she finds. Maybe a piece of broken glass will present itself. Then she can skip these parts.

She sits, and she closes her eyes, and she waits. If the buildings around her would ever have seemed familiar, they don't now.

Comments

[arenaria]

She looks at it.

It doesn't look exactly like her handwriting, but maybe if her hands didn't shake so much -

"Is it?" she asks. "Was I here once?" Pause. "A residence. Residences accumulate food - and have running water - and I have one. That's - good."

It has been a long time since anything unambiguously good has happened to her. Even Voice releasing her required that Voice catch her in the first place.

[finaldiscussion]

"You were here once, and you left me that. And when I went to visit you, there was no sign of you anywhere."

[arenaria]

"- Do you know how long ago that was?"

[finaldiscussion]

"Around sixty or seventy years."

[arenaria]

That doesn't sound far off the mark to Shell, not that she's been paying attention. She nods once. "I don't remember the place," she says, looking at the paper. "But I guess it's mine." She pauses. "Someone loved me once, I wonder if they made me a nice place."

[finaldiscussion]

"I expect that they did."

[arenaria]

"I wish I could remember who it was."

[finaldiscussion]

"You knew someone named Sherlock," he offers. "But you didn't mention anything else about them, so it might not be the same person."

[arenaria]

"...It sounds like a name," offers Shell. "Some names I hear people using when they talk outside about people who don't have Downside names yet don't sound like names to me."

But that's all.

"Did I say anything else? I remember - I wanted paper - and eventually Voice gave me paper, after they were sure I wouldn't be able to look at them if they set me up in a way where I'd be able to write - but by then I didn't have anything to put."

[finaldiscussion]

"You were looking for paper when you spoke with me, too, I think. I remember I gave you a pen."

[arenaria]

"I don't have it anymore. I'm sorry."

[finaldiscussion]

"I have accumulated several more in the interim," he says dryly.

[arenaria]

[finaldiscussion]

Strat smiles.

[arenaria]

"I guess if it was sixty or seventy years ago it's surprising you remember me at all. Let alone anything I said."

[finaldiscussion]

"I have a very good memory."

[arenaria]

"That's lucky," Shell sighs. "If nice things happened to me that would be a nice thing I'd want, a really, really good memory..."

[finaldiscussion]

The kettle clicks. Strat provides tea.

[arenaria]

Shell drinks it, in slow little sips, wrapping both hands around the cup.

"...This seems like... a thing that can happen. The same way 'Sherlock' sounds like a name. Did you give me tea before?"

[finaldiscussion]

"Yes."

[arenaria]

"It's good," says Shell. "Thank you."

Sip. Sip.

"I wonder if I could get anywhere at remembering things by finding out what other things seem like things that can happen. I wonder if that's reliable or if I'd just wind up believing the silly stories I made up to make myself feel better when Voice had me. There were a lot. They all contradict each other."

[finaldiscussion]

He shrugs. "I don't have much experience with that kind of reconstruction."

[arenaria]

"I know I wanted paper very badly at one point, or I don't suppose I'd care so much now."

[finaldiscussion]

He nods.

[arenaria]

"I wonder what I did. I wonder who I was. I can't even remember if Shell is actually my name or not. Did I tell you my name before?"